I got mixed reactions when I told my friends and family that I was going to Europe on my own for 2 months.
Reactions ranged from “You're going to have such an amazing time” to “You're going to die.” I was inclined to agree more with the first group, of course — I had no doubt the trip would be amazing (and it was). But I didn't necessarily have any predictions then about what would happen after the trip.
No one ever thinks about that niggly little “after” part.
I've never traveled for more than a couple of weeks at a time before, so 2 months initially seemed like an eternity to me. Before this trip, I was convinced that I was built for shorter stints abroad; I never looked at long-term, round-the-world travelers with envy or longing because I was convinced that the nomadic lifestyle was not for me. I didn't even know if I was cut out for solo travel, to be honest.
So I assumed that, at the end of 8 weeks alone on the road, I'd be more than ready to return home to my comfy mattress, cable TV, closet full of clothes, and friends and family in northeast Ohio.
But over the course of those 8 weeks, something changed.
I'm not sure when or where or how exactly it happened. But, somewhere along the way, my attitudes about long-term solo travel changed. Somehow, I fell in love with it. I fell more in love with travel, if that's possible.
This summer, I did a lot of things I thought I didn't like. I spent many nights in shared hostel and hotel rooms with people I didn't know. I put up with snoring roommates. I got used to going to bed sweaty every night because there was no air conditioning and it was 90 degrees outside. I wore a sunhat. I gave up on wearing make-up. I bought train tickets on my own in a country where I didn't speak the language. I carried an actual backpack. I wore the same (sometimes dirty) clothes for 2 months. I stopped making plans. I got lost, found my way, and got lost again. I quit worrying about what would happen “later.”
I was living in the moment, and loving life.
It was in Scotland, I think, that it finally hit me that something was different. It was past 1 a.m., and I was half-wearing a kilt over my clothes and dancing on a table in a hostel bar near Loch Ness. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol, but instead was drunk on something else — the energy, the people, maybe just the feeling of being alive.
An Australian girl in my tour group looked up at me in between songs and just said, “You're a legend. You're not even drunk but you're having so much fun.” And I was. I was having more fun than I'd had in a long time.
It scared me a bit at first. This wasn't me, I thought. At least, it wasn't the me I recognized or thought I knew. And yet it was a me that I liked. A me that, somewhere between Istanbul and Glasgow, had come alive, become more adventurous, and fallen head over heels for long-term travel.
When it came time for me to board my flight home a week later, I did so nearly in tears. Yes, there had been some ups and downs throughout the 8 weeks, but I genuinely didn't want the summer to end. I wasn't ready to go home.
As I sat aboard that flight, editing photos and drafting up the beginnings to some new blog posts, I was also subconsciously doing something else — I was already plotting in my head how and when I could get back out on the road. I was scrabbling desperately to hold onto my travel high, not ready to let it slip away.
People say that it's not a place that changes you. And it's true. I could have gone anywhere for 2 months, and probably felt the same way. Instead of the place alone, I think it's a mixture of the place, the people, and the chance to be completely at your own mercy that allows you to change yourself.
I didn't think I had a lot of changing left to do before this trip; I assumed that I'd gotten all of that out of my system years ago.
And yet, here I am, back in Ohio, feeling different and questioning everything.
There's a Tolkien quote that I think is appropriate here:
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?”
The context of the quote is not quite right (and it's a bit melodramatic), but the sentiment, I think, is spot-on. I may have only been away for 8 weeks, but in some ways it does feel like I'm now trying to return to an “old life.” A life I'm not sure I fit into anymore.
It's both sad and exciting at the same time. It's sad because it means I've had to make some tough decisions and say at least one difficult goodbye. But it's exciting because I know now — for certain — that there are better things to come.
Before this trip, I knew I wanted to travel. But I don't think I knew just how much I wanted it. Now that I know, though, it's going to be full-steam ahead.
I'm taking the events of this summer as a sign from The Universe. A sign that THIS is what I'm meant to be doing.
And you'd better believe that I'm listening.
Have YOU ever had a life-changing, eye-opening travel experience?
Amanda Williams is the award-winning blogger behind A Dangerous Business Travel Blog. She has traveled to more than 60 countries on 6 continents from her home base in Ohio, specializing in experiential and thoughtful travel through the US, Europe, and rest of the world. Amanda only shares tips based on her personal experiences and places she's actually traveled!
Love this post! You crafted your thoughts into words so vividly, well done!
I couldn’t agree more about getting on the road and never wanting to return. I’m about to embark on my first ever solo travel and I’m unbelievably excited by it! I hope you’ve been planning for your next adventure everyday! Any goals for when or where it’ll be? Good for you, glad you enjoyed it so much!
You are going to have an awesome time, Kyle!!
And yes, I am definitely already plotting my next adventure. I have tons of huge, epic ideas – now it’s just a matter of figuring out how to make them happen!
I’m going through a similar experience. My boyfriend and I came back to the states last year after living in South Korea for two years, and found it so difficult to adjust. In Korea, we could take getaways on a whim, experience new tastes, new places, new anything. We were hooked.
But when we returned home, we really did think, “How can we readjust?” I mean, how do you return to your old life knowing so much more is out there? How do you settle for suburbia when you’d rather be trekking with elephants through a Thai jungle, learning to cook traditional royal fare in a Korean hanok or planning a last-minute weekend jaunt to Kyoto, simply because you can?
And the hardest part? How do you relate to the people who make up your old life? The people who rarely venture out farther than the grocery store, who largely have no desire to seek out other cultures or experience new worlds?
Thanks for writing this. Suddenly, my feet are quite itchy. 🙂
It certainly is tough to re-adjust – I can only imagine how hard it would be after being away for 2 years! The part about “relating to the people who make up your old life” rings true for me a bit, too. You come home after having all these amazing experiences, but you realize that nobody at home can really relate.
Good luck curing those itchy feet of yours!
It`s amazing how travel can change us in unexpected ways. Go with your gut and you`ll always end up in the right place.
Very good advice, Ayngelina.
Great post and great blog, I really enjoy your passion for travel, it’s inspiring. Have you seen the film “a map for saturday”? Well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it, but you probably have! I just found out about it recently, totally inspiring as well. I am going on my first semi solo trip soon, it’s an organised thing so not totally independent but a way to test the waters I guess. Looking forward to reading about your next trip!
Going solo on an organized trip is the BEST way to test that travel waters. Have fun!!
Amanda, I still remember when I first read that post about you feeling like a “weeny” when it comes to solo traveling. I once felt that way except I had no problems going at anything in life solo. I thought I was going to be okay with my full time job and traveling off to enticing destinations every three months. However, when I traveled through Australia and New Zealand back in January – February, I realized how exhausted I was from traveling back and forth – I’ve finally decided to just take a career break and just go.
Your Tolkien quote did get me thinking – “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?” – about how my life would be once I come back from my South American sabbatical. How will I adjust? You’re totally meant for something big in terms of travel :o) You’ve picked up the sign!
Haha, how far I’ve come since my days as a travel weenie! 😉
Thanks for reading, and for the vote of confidence!
Great post! My life-changing travel experience was definitely when I spent 6 weeks in East Africa the summer after my freshman year of college. Just like that, I was done. Happy traveling!
Awesome, Susan! I always love hearing about where/when other peoples’ life-changing travel experiences took place.
Hey Amanda, it’s been a while since I’ve had time to read some of your marvelous posts! This one is so powerful, and the change that happened to you I’m sure is a little wild and unknown, but it is awesome how much longer term trips can change you! After 8 months in New Zealand there is DEFINITELY no going back to my old lifestyle. Sure, right now I am working 80hrs a week and two jobs, but I’m enjoying even that because I know it’s for my upcoming trips. Traveling long term forced me to open up and meet new people, do things I “never thought I would”. But it’s funny now, this energy and joy of life is what was meant for us Amanda, and I’m happy you discovered it too!
It certainly DOES feel like I’m meant for this, and that this is meant for me. And that’s both awesome and scary at the same time!
I bloody love this. Especially the line, “I wore an actual backpack.”
It’s great that you’ve had your ‘eureka’ moment – keep living the dream!
Thanks, Rich! 🙂 I will definitely do my best to keep the travel high going!
I knew for a few years I wanted to do long-term travel (once I realized people actually do it). After doing it, it is so hard to imagine a short trip. I’ve already taken a few since coming back to the US, and it was tough! I know I’ll have to do long-term travel again one day.
I suppose that’s definitely a danger of this long-term travel monster! To get so hooked that you can never go back to your “old” way of traveling.
I relate to not being ready to go home. I couldn’t believe myself for being almost willing to not show up for my flight back. I had my last year of a degree I LOVE back home, that’s what helped me return, yet I left a part of my heart in faraway places. I think it’s fantastic you’re listening to signs you’re getting, and I’m sure you’ll do great and realize your dreams. You’re not alone in those dreams, that’s for sure too.
It’s tough when you realize that you’ve left little bits of you all over the world – more and more break off with every new destination. I think that’s the real reason why we have so much trouble coming home – because “home” isn’t just one place anymore!
A very powerful monologue.
I have an answer for you, Amanda,- YOU JUST GOT ADDICTED. Travel is a drug. Your previous trips were not long enough or not as exciting to get addicted to this drug. Now you got the dose, Girl 🙂 Isn’t it a great feeling?! Now you can dance on a table and wear a sunhat… You do not care about make-up and dirty clothes… It will be hard to give up. Please don’t. Life is too short to give up this drug. Enjoy it in full! LIVE AND LOVE IT!
I guess now I can tell people I’m on drugs. 😉 Haha, but you are right – travel is a very powerful drug, and oh so addictive!
Love it, Amanda. You’re one of those travel bloggers that came rip roarin’ into the scene and climbed your way up quickly. I have no worries that you’ll succeed!
Thanks, Candice! I appreciate the vote of confidence. 🙂
Yay yay yay! Love this! I felt the same way when I took my first solo backpacking trip in Europe right after I graduated from college–it felt like it was such a big deal and such a long time. Now, I’m like, five weeks? Pshhhh! Nothing! I’ve realized that reallllly long-term solo travel isn’t for me–but I love moving somewhere for six months to a year and doing one- to three-month trips. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward!
Yeah, I’m not sure I could be all go-go-go for years on end. But I do love the idea of moving somewhere for 6 months or a year, and traveling a lot from that spot. The possibilities are endless, but I know you definitely understand the feeling!
This sounds so awesome! I’m so glad to hear you had a great time and that this trip changed you. Sounds like some tough decisions are ahead, but I’m confident you’ll figure out a way to do what you want. Looking forward to hearing more about what you decide to do!
You know, the NVR Guys are all about personal transformation, so this is pretty much the coolest post ever. Now you really need to get out here – or we out there – so we can chat.
Where’s the pic of you dancing on the table?
Hahaha, whoohoo, I got a “coolest post ever” designation! 🙂 And yes, visits soon are in order, methinks. I miss youuuuu.
And as for that table dancing pic… there is no photographic evidence of that night (well, that I know of…).