9 Reasons You Should Never Travel the World

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You hear a lot about traveling — about how awesome it is, usually. About how travel has opened people's eyes and changed their lives.

But you know what? I think they're wrong. Other countries are dirty, unsafe, and just downright strange. Here are 9 reasons you should just stay home:

 

They don't speak English

“They” of course being the ubiquitous term for all those people in all those “other” countries in the world. You know, the ones who speak weird things like French and Greek and Scottish. They won't understand a thing you say — you'll probably have to become a mime, and likely will never have a correct food order delivered to you at a restaurant. Come to think of it, the menus probably won't be in English, either, so you'll probably just die of starvation before you get home.

It's super dangerous

Turn on the news, and you'll see stories about horrible things happening all over the world. People getting kidnapped and beheaded and raped and mugged — it's scary out there. And then there are the diseases! You have to get all these shots in order to travel, and even then you might get dengue from a mosquito or rabies from a feral dog. Better off just staying home, where it's safe and nothing bad ever happens.

The food is weird

People eat bugs in other parts of the world. BUGS. And other strange things likeย animal organs and fruits with names you can't pronounce and food cooked on the side of the road. Foreign food is just weird and scary and will probably give you food poisoning. You should just stick to McDonalds if you ever go abroad, just to be safe.

Fried spiders in Cambodia

They have strange customs

Other countries… they have some weird traditions and customs. I mean, did you know that in some countries they eat while sitting on the floor? And that in others they actually believe in fairies and elves? And then there are things like dress codes and social taboos… it's probably not worth trying to learn them because you'll just forget them all anyway and probably end up embarrassing yourself in front of some local person. Better off to stick to what you know at home.

You have to sleep in scary places

You probably like sleeping in your own bed at night. Why would you want to sleep in strange beds halfway around the world? I mean, you've seen those exposes on TV — you KNOW what's on those duvet covers and hidden in the corners of hotel rooms. And let's not even mentionย hostels. Sharing rooms with complete strangers? That's just like asking to be kidnapped and murdered (again, you've seen the movies).

It's dirty

Did you know that little kids in China poop on the sidewalk? Because they totally do. Paris smells like pee, and those “romantic” canals in Venice stink like garbage. The world is dirty and gross, and you'll probably bring home bed bugs, parasites, or worse! If you do travel abroad, bring like a gallon of hand sanitizer with you, and don't touch ANYthing.

Hanoi river flats

Travel is for rich people

Even if somehow you decided to brave the weird food and strange languages, you can't afford to go abroad anyway. We all know that travel is just for rich people — a person like you with a job and student loan debt and monthly bills to pay can't possibly afford to travel the world. Plane tickets alone are bound to cost thousands of dollars at least, and normal people just don't have that kind of money sitting around.

Travel is unpredictable

You have a daily routine: get up early, shower, coffee, work, home, dinner, TV, repeat. It's not a particularly exciting routine, but it's yours, and it's consistent.ย You know that when you travel, most things are outside of your control. Your flight will probably get delayed, you'll probably get lost, the weather will suck, and nothing will go how you planned. And you're just not flexible enough to “roll with it” like those hippie travelers do — they clearly don't appreciate structure.

It might change your life

Lastly, you know from talking to people who have traveled around the world that travel can change you. It can change how you see the world, how you interact with others, and even how you live your life. And, come on. Who has time for a total life upheaval like that? No thanks.

Florence

These people who tell you to travel the world; to see as much as you can while you're young? They are crazy. You're so much better off just staying home.

——

What other reasons can you think of for why youย shouldn't travel the world?

 

 

NOTE: The post is entirely tongue-in-cheek. No, I'm not serious. Of COURSE these are all ridiculous arguments. But these are all real reasons real people have given me for why THEY don't want to travel the way I do. So many misconceptions out there! I just thought I'd have fun with the “stupid reasons people don't travel” list post.

 

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