Dear Dad: Please Don’t Worry (A Treatise on Solo Female Travel)

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Dear Dad,

I know you've probably heard the news. You've probably read this story and this story and maybe even this story about the 33-year-old American woman who went on a solo holiday and never came home. You've probably heard on the news about how her body was found in Turkey nearly 2 weeks after she was supposed to return to New York; probably read about the husband and children she left behind.

And I know, Dad, that you're probably picturing ME as that woman. Picturing MY name in those headlines and imagining that trip to Istanbul to — God forbid — identify MY body.

You are my daddy, and you are supposed to react this way to stories like this.

But please, Dad. Don't worry.

Hagia Sofia, Istanbul

I know that's easier said than done, especially with comments flying around the Internet about how solo female travel is “downright foolish” and how “a woman has no business traveling alone.” Secretly, I'm sure you agree with them to some extent. And I understand.

Because, again, you are my daddy, and you are supposed to care like this.

Like the time this summer when I had to give you the full names of the people I'd be staying with in London so that (as Mom put it) you could “start the search” if I went missing, “Taken”-style. Just last week you were trying to remember a recent story about a girl who went missing in Peru as I told you about my upcoming adventures.

I want you to know that I know that you worry.

But I also want you to realize that the world isn't nearly as big and bad and scary for us women as the media would lead you to believe.

Isle of Skye, Scotland

Yes, it's terrible what happened to Sarai Sierra in Turkey. I'm not trying to make light of that fact, or the sad situation her loved ones now find themselves in. But I also beg you, Dad, along with other parents, siblings, spouses, and friends to take a second to look at the situation before using the case of Sierra to condemn solo female travel.

This tragic event could have happened ANYWHERE. In fact, it happens every day all over the world. If this woman had turned up dead this way in her home state of New York, no doubt the story would have made the news. But it would not have had the same international appeal, because, sadly, violent crime in the United States is basically “old news.” A story of a tourist being killed abroad, though? That's media gold that is sure to send people into a panic.

But let me ask you, Dad: Did parents stop sending their children to school after the Sandy Hook shootings in December? Do we swear off driving cars after every bad accident we see highlighted on the news (because, statistically speaking, I am MUCH more likely to die in a car crash than at the hands of a man in Turkey)? The answers are, unequivocally, NO.

So why should women stop traveling solo because of what happened to one woman?

I think my friend Stephanie summed it up perfectly with this comment on Facebook: “you can get murdered anywhere, and I think it's messed up the way that more people question why a woman was traveling solo than why a man killed her.”

Amen.

San Francisco

But, because I know you are still worrying, Dad, and because, deep down, I know you don't really understand why I would want to travel on my own in the first place, I should probably try to explain it to you.

Why Travel Solo?

  • Empowerment. Traveling alone as a woman does wonders for one's self-confidence. Since I've started traveling solo, Dad, I've become a much stronger person — I'm sure you've noticed. This actually makes me feel LESS likely to be the victim of some horrible crime, because it's made me more confident in speaking up when I feel uncomfortable, as well as more able to take care of myself.
  • Street smarts. Solo travel has made it essential for me to ALWAYS be aware of my surroundings. Not just for safety's sake, but also for practical reasons so I don't get lost or get ripped off. It's baffling to me how many people — both male and female — lack common sense, Dad. And I blame a lot of this on the fact that these people are never really given the opportunity to fend for themselves in the real world. When I travel alone, I research cultural taboos, common scams, and neighborhoods/attractions to avoid. I go into my solo travel experiences INFORMED, which automatically makes them safer. I also don't do stupid things like flaunt expensive electronics in public, meet up with complete strangers, walk around alone at night, or EVER get drunk on my own.
  • Personal development. Lastly, I feel like traveling on my own has made me a better, more well-rounded person. When you only have yourself for company, you discover a lot about the person that you are. You grow and change and develop in ways that you never could while living in a little bubble at home. And how could that ever be a bad thing, Dad?

People argue that women have to be more diligent when they are alone. And I might be inclined to agree — but this applies ANYWHERE, and not just when traveling. Whether I go out to a bar in Kent, Ohio or a bar in Istanbul, Turkey, I have to be aware of my surroundings; it doesn't matter what country I'm in.

Grand Canyon

But as far as the chances of me being killed abroad, Dad? The probability is probably a lot lower than you think. In fact, did you know that, according to murder statistics, women are FAR more likely to be killed at home, by someone they know than in public by a stranger? And, did you also know that, according to a report on homicide in the United States by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, MEN represent 77% of murder victims? Meaning that “the victimization rates for males [are] 3 times higher than the rates for females.”

That's right — you are actually more likely to get killed if you have a penis.

Based on that statistic, I should be more worried about YOU currently traveling by yourself in Florida.

The truth is, bad things happen to good people all the time. People get robbed, raped, and murdered every day all over the world — and most of them AREN'T travelers. It just so happens that the victimized female tourists of the world, who are already going against the invisible grain of society by traveling alone, draw more attention than the man murdered over drugs or the woman raped and beaten by her husband.

And therein lies the REAL issue at hand.

 

I love you, Dad. Please don't worry.

Amanda

 

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And now for the practical part of this post…

Tips for Safe Solo Travel

None of these tips are earth-shattering. In fact, I would call most of them common sense. But these 5 little bits of advice go a long way towards keeping me safe when I'm traveling alone. And note that these are just tips for safe “solo travel” — meaning they apply to BOTH genders!

  • Tell someone where you are going. It doesn't matter if you're a woman or not — if you're traveling alone, SOMEone back home should know of your plans. Check in often, and let them know about any changes you make, or if there might be a stretch of time when you might be off-grid and unable to be reached. With e-mail, Skype, and free texting apps like WhatsApp, staying in touch while traveling today is ridiculously easy.
  • Do your research on neighborhoods/attractions/scams to avoid. All it takes is a simple Google search on the destination you're headed to to learn about the things to avoid. Whether it's a tea scam in China or a neighborhood to avoid in Chicago, DO YOUR RESEARCH. Not only will you develop those street smarts I mentioned earlier, but you'll also be exponentially more aware when you're out and about — and being aware means being safer.
  • Don't carry around a lot of valuables. It makes sense, right? If you've got a ton of fancy camera equipment, 2 iPads, a gold watch, and a fat wallet sticking out of your back pocket, you will automatically be a bigger target for pickpockets and other nefarious characters who populate most large cities around the world.
  • Use the buddy system. There's a reason you learned about it in elementary school — there IS usually safety in numbers. This is especially recommended at night and/or away from very public places.
  • Don't be an idiot. If it's not something you would do at home, why would you do it while traveling? In the case of Sierra, there are some people questioning whether her time in Turkey was really as innocent as her family is making it out to be. Whatever the truth is doesn't really matter, though — murder is still murder and no one really “deserves” it. But if you're considering doing something illegal while traveling? You might want to consider the possible consequences first.
  • Listen to your gut. Lastly, your own instincts are very often your best line of defense. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. If your gut is telling you to remove yourself from a situation, then LISTEN.

 

For more great opinions on the solo female travel debate, check out these posts:

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What's YOUR take on women traveling solo?

 

 

"It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and, if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might get swept off to." - JRR Tolkien

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104 Comments on “Dear Dad: Please Don’t Worry (A Treatise on Solo Female Travel)

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  1. As a frequent solo male traveler, I would add the following to the list of practical tips: check the U.S. Department of State website for its safety tips on the particular country you’re going to. It’s an excellent resource in terms of areas to avoid, types of crime that predominate in various cities, and tidbits like “In Mexico City, U.S. embassy employees are prohibited from hailing a taxi on the street — always dial ahead for one to avoid the risk of a rogue cabdriver.” (And as I alluded to in my Thursday Traveler interview, if I had seen that warning before my trip to Mexico City and followed that advice, I wouldn’t have been robbed by a taxi driver in that city).

    As far as carrying camera equipment around with me, I’m always conflicted about that one — what’s the point of taking my nice camera thousands of miles with me if I’m just going to leave it in my hotel safe? I tend to keep it in my daypack, though, except when I’m actually shooting photos with it. I also feel the same conflict about carrying my Kindle around and reading it while riding local mass transit, etc., in cities with high crime rates.

      Definitely a good idea to check the Dept. of State site, just so you’re informed of things that might be going on in the destination you’re headed to.

      And the camera equipment thing is one of the reasons I don’t have a fancy camera! 😉

    YES!
    This was so well written, I love how you directed it towards your dad.

    Thank you for this, I myself am doing a 6 month female solo trip soon and some of the friends I have back home are more worried about it than I am..

      I think it’s perfectly natural for friends and family members to be worried. But as long as you are safe and aware and avoid making stupid decisions, chances are you will be fine!

    I love that you even found stats on murder victims being mostly men.

    It’s easy to say women are helpless and vulnerable so they would be in danger, but men are aggressive, challenging and occasionally better at being hot-headed. But crime doesn’t target sex, just vulnerability and stupidity.

      Unfortunately, women are often to more vulnerable ones. But that certainly shouldn’t keep us from traveling!

    It may have just hit the news, but I feel that female travelers have gotten the same treatment for some time. The first time I told my mom I was traveling alone to South America she was horrified and begged me to go to Europe instead! I later looked up the violent crime statistics in La Paz, Bolivia versus my home in Las Vegas Nevada.

    I found out that statistically, I was about 20 times more likely to be the victim of a violent crime here in Las Vegas than in La Paz. BOOM! Game. Set. Match. Then I got on the plane 🙂

      It’s definitely not a new issue; it just happens to be in the media a lot right now!

      I think it’s pretty common for parents to worry about their daughters traveling alone. But, like you pointed out, the statistics are really interesting when it comes to the likelihood of being harmed abroad as opposed to if you just stayed home!

    Great letter Amanda. I’ve been reading so much about this lately and it is a tragedy what happened. But like you said, it’s media gold and many people are trying to make it seem like it was her fault for traveling alone as a woman. Like it couldn’t happen on a stroll down her neighborhood. I know there may be certain higher risks for woman traveling alone through certain areas, but too many people try to make it some enormous and crazy feat to think a woman would travel around the world solo. I consider woman equals on every aspect. Just because you are a woman it shouldn’t be looked as as harder for you. Or crazier for you. You are a person who chose a life of travel. Hell, I was scared stepping off the plane in New Zealand, one of the safest countries in the world. And when I am home walking around DC I constantly look over my shoulder, because things can happen ANYWHERE. But I am just cautious. I’m glad you are sticking to your resolve and I think your letter is great in easing some minds of all travelers, not just females, that the world is a large and unpredictable place. Bad things can happen. Great things can happen. But you shouldn’t live in fear.

      Awesome comment, Ryan. And I know I’m just sounding like a broken record at this point, but it IS true that stuff like this can happen anywhere. The world has a disturbing culture of violence (and especially violence against women) and it doesn’t really matter whether you’re traveling or not! Just wish more people would realize that.

    Congratulations Amanda on a wonderful post. It is natural for your father to worry but as you said you can find trouble at home. It is not just women but all solo travellers. As long as we are careful we can throw away the cotton wool that surrounds us.

      Unfortunately a lot of people don’t really want to throw away that wool… :/

      I AM glad that this post and others like it have started such great conversation, though!

    Well said.

    I have a few female friends that solo travel, they’ve been to many countries that the news “expert” say are dangerous, yet they’ve never had any problems.

      Honestly, I’ve felt more unsafe on my own in cities in the US than I ever have abroad.

    Very well written. I’ve seen some articles on this subject… but, your way of “writing to your Dad” made me read to the very end. A smart approach. Agree with you on all the points.

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked the style and the message of the post!

    Hi Amanda! I loved this post, and think it’s an important one to share with others. I started traveling on my own when I was 16, since I went to boarding school on another island in the Philippines when I was a kid. I was aware that I stood out as a foreigner, and that I was somewhat vulnerable. But I also learned a lot of street smarts, and ways of staying safe. And I used these skills all the time when I moved back to the USA– I lived in Los Angeles, after all, which is probably WAY less safe than any of the developing countries I traveled to. I think women should learn self-defense and basic safety because we live in a broken world, and we need these skills. But I don’t think we should be limited in what we feel we are able to do!
    Thank you for writing this!

      Thanks for the great comment, Ariana!

      I agree with this so much, especially the “we live in a broken world” bit. It’s less an issue about traveling, and more an issue of just violence in general.

    Brilliantly written! Even though i’m a guy traveling with his wife, I feel like this kind of solo female voice needs to be heard. There are so many people with closed mindsets when it comes to the media and posts like this are a brilliant way to combat that.

      Thanks so much! I know that, in all reality, posts like this will do very little in convincing those close-minded people to see a different perspective. But if I could change the mind of just ONE person, I would call it a success.

    Amanda, wow. What an amazing post. This hit home for me so much and I am in tears after reading it for some reason! My dad is my rock, guardian angel, and the greatest man in my life and worries constantly when I am on a trip. You have manages to put what I think into words. I am going to show him this post and I truly think he may have a better understanding of why I do what I do. Thank YOU!!

      Thank you so much, Tiff. I’m moved that you were so moved by my writing. I hope this does help your dad understand a bit better!

    I totally agree that it is not solo female travel which should come into question, but why is their so much violence. It good to point out that it is ridiculous to argue why did a woman got to turkey alone and not why was someone murdered.

    The sad fact is I know quite a few rape victims. None of these women are travellers, they are women that were raped on their own front doors, and out of my travelling friends, I don’t know a single one who has had violence used against them.

    This is the bigger problem.

      Exactly, George. Some other bloggers have written similar posts today, most of them quoting some really solid statistics that prove that it’s actually much more dangerous for a woman to stay at home than to travel the world!

    I am not often a solo female traveller as I mostly travel with my hubby, but you girls are an inspiration for all the women out there who want to emancipate themselves and not be confined to their home, because it is seen as too risky for them to travel alone. Lovely post!

      Thanks, Tammy! Hopefully this post convinces at least one women to give traveling a try!

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